7-11-17 Sick behavior

Whatever I write on here I write for me.I'm free to vent I can be angry, sad, it can be good or bad. There's no one to judge me for what I feel. When I was in my younger days I belonged to a BDSM group. I was a submissive and let others abuse and torture me. At the time it seemed like poetic justice. I felt that I was a bad person and deserved to be punished for my sins. Throughout my teenage years, I was haunted by nightmares involving torture and murder. I always wondered what kind of person enjoyed causing other people pain. I found out that they are for the most part ordinary people who have a sexual fetish that includes that type of fantasy play. For myself, I found that I actually enjoyed being subjected to painful stimuli. It wasn't the punishment that I was looking for. Is that sick? I don't know. I never had any more nightmares of that type afterward. I don't judge consenting adults for anything they do. People do strange things for even stranger reasons sometimes. What is normal and who decides what the norms are? I had only let women torture me so maybe that spoke to my subconscious need to have justice served for all the females that I had treated so badly and wronged over the years. They apparently had issues with men because they certainly enjoyed inflicting pain on males. Be careful of the people you wrong in this life. It might come back and bite you on the ass in more ways than one.


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