7-25-17 Truth Hurts

I'm not the same person that I was 30 days ago today. I did kill a part of me that day and it's gone dead, finished never to return. I started this year as a year of change. I was going to fix everything in the past that I had messed up. I created my own delusional fantasy world where I could do that. But I can't. There are some things that I can never fix no one can fix them they are beyond repair. I thought I could find happiness in other people. If I don't like or love myself how can I expect the love of others to make me whole? I've never grown up emotionally.I'm still that little child looking for acceptance, tenderness, love that I never had. I never was taught or learned how to become an adult emotionally. The real truth really hurts and I didn't like it I still don't but it's the cold hard reality that I'm stuck with to deal with.The question is where do I go from here? I can deny the truth or ignore it. Or I can make the hard choices and do the hard work that I need to do to fix ME not the things that I can't fix.Until I fix myself I can't do anything else. Baby steps one at a time that's all I can do.Then I can be the father, husband, friend, loved one, a family member that I haven't been able to be.Life really is hard and there's no instruction book.

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