7-30-17 Habits and Promises

Human beings are creatures of habit. We do things over and over again no matter what the consequences are to ourselves and to others. Back in the day when I drank alcohol, I would drink until I puked or passed out. Most of the time I would both, I would swear to God never to drink again only to repeat the same thing over again the next day without any regards to the consequences to myself or anyone else who might cross my path. Shirley asked me to promise her that I would never consider or attempt suicide again. I thought and simply answered her with I promise that I will do my best and I am here today. I know myself well enough not to promise anything more than that. Statistically, the odds are that it will happen again and that the next time will be fatal. It might be tomorrow or it might be twenty years from now but it probably will happen. The person who built and lived in the house that we live in now committed suicide. He sat down under the big oak tree outside and ate lunch and then put a gun to his heart and pulled the trigger. He had been ill for a long time and he was tired of being sick.I think of him when I look at the big, old oak tree. I hope he found peace. Shirley thinks that he comes to visit sometimes. I don't know. I don't know if there is an answer for why people do what they do. Some of the things that I do have no logic or sane reasoning. People will always wonder and ask why. So will I.

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