7-19-17 If I Could Put Time In A Bottle

Well, I'm back to being flat again I think. At least I'm not trying to run over anyone with my van. Just when I think I can't do anything else to surprise myself I surprise myself. Anyway, the dogs woke me up early so I've been thinking who am I anyway. Mom was born a Martinat so I have those genes from her. Dad was born a Baker so I have those genes too. I can't find anything on Dad's real parents. Who were Dad's real parents? Why did they give him up? Were they too poor to keep him or was he an unexpected child, a mistake like myself? I was an unexpected child. Mom told me that the Doctor told her that I never should have been. What in the hell is that even supposed to mean? What kind of a parent even tells their child such an incredibly stupid fucking thing as that? I never should have been. So why the hell am I here? Did God just have a left over soul and say well let's just throw it in here and see what happens and hope for the best. What a way to start your life. Anyway back to Dad. I wonder if he ever wondered about his real parents? Did he accept being a Martinat or did he feel like an outcast? I'll never know I suppose. Dad never really talked to me. What kind of Father doesn't talk to his child? I guess he expected me to talk to him.Or maybe he didn't have anything to say. I don't talk much either verbally. I express myself through writing. I don't really care about the grammar it's the thought that counts. Well, it's breakfast time for the dogs and they want to be fed so I'll continue this later.

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