7-18-19 Birthday Dreams and Champagne Wishes

I was born in the evening 59 years ago today. It seems like an eternity and it seems like yesterday. A normal person would be happy and thankful and want to celebrate and be with their family and friends on their birthday. I've never claimed to be a normal person. I am thankful for the past year. There have been good and happy moments. I'm glad that I was able to give Shirley a happy birthday this year she hadn't had a good one in a long time. She wanted to give me a catered cook out this year and I said no I didn't want anything. I wonder what mom thought so many years ago. I was an unexpected child and I guess that's the kind of person I ended up being. I gave people something they didn't expect. Some were good some not so good. I told the person on the suicide hot line that I was a disappointment to my parents. That's partly true. My teenage years were a disappointment to them.Mom was proud that I had become a priest and later a bishop. Shirley and I were married in private and that was a disappointment also. My brother also gave my parents his share of disappointments by rarely coming to visit and taking their grandsons away. I can't say that I"ve done any better. Because of me they never got to know their granddaughter or great grandsons. I can't change any of that so let's return to the present. I'll go to work and do what I do every day because that's who I am. Today will be another day on the calendar for me to mark off that's all it is. I've been thinking I think I'm going to have my footstone made and placed at the cemetery. I may go ahead and get the headstone too. I think it will read " In Life, was conflict. In Death, Freedom, and Contentment. That will be my birthday present to myself. It's practical and useful and will save the family from having to do it later. I can go visit myself before I'm even there. How sick is that? That's really sick even for me.




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