7-18-17 Extreme Behavior

I had a bad weekend. I was manic for most of it. There are two kinds of mania happy and destructive. In my lifetime I've been both. I've always denied being Bi-Polar. It sounds like something really bad and it can be. I told a doctor once that I felt like Dr. Jechel and Mr.Hyde. I could be either one or both at the same time. I don't like to admit it because it scares me that I'm capable of losing control to the point that I might cause harm to others. It's one thing to self-destruct but to take other innocent people into the abyss with you is totally unacceptable under any circumstance. To say that I'm sorry for such behavior is meaningless. However, I took steps yesterday to address my behavior and I hope and pray for the best possible outcome. It's been a lifetime struggle and not a pleasant one. And while it's all in God's hands I realize that God can't solve my problems only I can do that.

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