8-18-17 Realization

To say that I haven't learned anything new from my psychologist would be untrue. He has confirmed things that I have always suspected or already known.  I have been mentally ill since I was a young child It started in Primary school and has continued throughout my life. I never bonded with my parents as a child what little I did have was completely severed at the age of fourteen after the traumatic event. From that point on I was emotionally along. Whatever social and personal skills I have were self-learned. I'm afraid of relationships. I fear that they will fail or be taken away from me. It's difficult for me to trust people. I am kind and loving but it's hard for me to express those feelings. My family members had mental illness and some of the DNA was inherited by me from them. My parents while they not blameless are not the cause of my issues. I must learn to live with my illness or at least die trying too. I will be on drugs and in therapy for the rest of my life. There will good days and there will be really bad days. I can survive if I live minute by minute. Some people will accept me for who I am others won't and will leave. I can't control any of that. I can be at peace with myself being the person I am. No need to pretend no need to lie. Just accept.




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