8-12-17 Sometimes it's Ok to Say Something

Last week I was manic for four days. Overnight Thursday night I did a 360 and Friday Morning I crashed. I had totally lost contact with reality. I had tunnel vision and at the end of the tunnel was death. Through trial and error, I already had the means. Suicidal people always keep a supply of extra meds on hand for just in case. I had already figured the correct combination and lethal doses needed to do the job. I grounded the pills into powder. All I needed to do was to mix them in a half bottle of water and drink it all at one time. It's that easy. I would lose consciousness in 15 minutes in 30 minutes more suffer permanent brain damage and in 30 minutes more cardiac arrest.End of story. When I left for work Friday afternoon I was a dead man walking.I had shut down. At work I bearly spoke to anyone. So why am I still here? Someone read my posts and called Shirley and told her had her old man had gone off the cliff and maybe she should call and see if he was ok.She called me and said, where are you?  I'm at work. Are you ok? Yeah, I'm fine.  No your not.Yes, I am. No your not. Promise me that you will come home tonight. Pause. Yeah ok. I was back to reality. I was still upset but not to the point of self-destruction.A simple phone call is all it took.I believe if you want to kill yourself you have the right to do it however sometimes maybe you're not mentally fit to make that decision. It's ok to make a phone call and say something if you don't think something is right. I wouldn't be sitting here writing this if someone hadn't.