8-15-17 How?

Yesterday was a difficult day not because of how I felt but because it was confession time. I hadn't told Shirley the events of last week someone else did that for me yesterday. I knew when I got home last night I was going to have to face her feelings of hurt, anger, pain, sadness. How do you tell someone that you have been married to and loved for thirty-five years that you were going to try and kill yourself again? I read her some of my posts from last week this morning.When I was done she simply said," I don't know what to say." I've heard that before from others."There is no good reply sometimes. I don't know what to say." I get it I do.Most of the time I'm ok and I understand how those around me must be feeling. It breaks my heart to see the pain I'm causing them. But when the darkness takes over and I lose all feeling and ability to reason none of that matters.I don't know what to say either. I don't know how to explain it.

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