8-18-17 Another Week Ends

Well TGIF it's been an interesting week. Emotions at home have been strained. More childhood memories revealed. New radios at work. Patrick is really growing quickly. HPD has no clue about how to do their job. I've closed the world out this week it's problems don't belong to me. I've looked at a lot of different things this week. I was a cute little boy growing up. I looked so happy in pictures. How do children become so messed up at a early age? I remember mom buying me a babydoll at Christmas one year I think I was around nine or ten at the time. Now why in the hell a mother would buy her son a babydoll is beyond me but the only thing I could think of to do with it was play funeral director. So I gave a decent funeral service and promptly buried it. I used to love to put together model planes and then blow them up. How many kids enjoy putting bobby pins into wall sockets? I did about once a week. I can remember screaming and mom came running to see what was wrong. She never figured it out but I loved doing it.I used to drive our neighbors crazy I would light fires in the back yard just so I could put them out. As I grew older things took a darker turn. I would dabble in the occult.I had several ouija boards, witchcraft books, and I would fantasize about vampirism. I would end up trying things like automatic writing, astral projection, voodoo, casting spells. Not really normal things for a twelve year old to be doing. I look back on those days and think damn someone should have had a clue that this boy needs some help. I looked normal and I played with the neighborhood kids fairly normal I think. I did like to have along time with my chemistry set and model rockets. I didn't care for television that much but I did love music. I don't really know when it started getting strange because it always felt normal to me but I know now that it wasn't. My thoughts of death, torture, murder were warning signs that something was out of balance. I never harmed any animals or people physically. I just imagined having it done to me. I know those are sick ideas for a child to be having. I survived that part of childhood only to experience even more real dark and troubling nightmares.
   

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