8-14-17 To be Ok

I had an interesting conversation with a guy younger than myself yesterday. He has similar issues. He said that feeling nothing being nothing is ok if that is an ok moment. You don't need to feel happy or content you just need to feel ok.I suppose he's right.Whatever I'm feeling is ok as long as I'm at peace and ok with it. I still have my mix of lethal drugs.It is to me what a blanket is to Linus.It gives me comfort and control. I exist because I choose to exist not because someone else allows me to. I have the power I have the control I decide my life. I'm ok with that. It's a neutral place to be. Nothing to fight no need for chaos. I can relax there's not any conflicts or threats.I don't need to create chaos just so I can feel something. I can just be ok with myself the way I am in this moment. Imperfect is ok. Nothingness is ok. Confused and Uncertain is ok.Everything is ok in this moment.

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