3-29-21 Notes from a Brokenhearted Mother Part 1

Notes from a Brokenhearted Mother: Part 1 :: By Candy Austin Published on: October 8, 2020 by RRadmin7 Category:General Articles Back in 2012, when our Oldest literally went ‘viral’ in her rebellion, the heart of this Mother fell into a ‘deep depression.’ And to be honest, I do not think I have ever ‘recovered from’ it, even to this day. Just today, I found my little notebook that I would ‘feverishly write in’ that year whenever I had some free time at work. It helped so much to write scripture, quotes, and sayings that pertained to what I was going through. This whole heartbreaking process has been more than a journey; it has been a life-altering experience, to put it mildly. For those who may be going through the same or something similar, I thought I would share my notes in a series of articles to hopefully be a comfort or some type of help in a time of such emotional need. Throughout this process, I found God’s Word to be a type of a ‘healing balm’ to my soul, so here goes, my friends. Page 1 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first” (John 15:18). “Hear the word of the Lord, you who tremble at His word: ‘Your own people who hate you, and exclude you because of my name, have said, ‘Let the Lord be glorified, that we may see your joy!’ Yet they will be put to shame” (Isaiah 66:5). “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Page 2 You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. You don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and “continues” to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go. – Danielle Koepke Page 3 Thank You, Lord, for motherhood With all its vale of tears, For happy moments never dimmed Through all the many years. – Strecker Being a mom is a sacred partnership with God. Page 4 Know that when a person is toxic, it is because of their own issues. Accept that a toxic person’s behavior has nothing to do w/you. In life, each of us has to take responsibility for our own actions. Toxic people do not do this. They have a habit of turning things around so that you feel bad, you feel guilty, & you feel like you are at fault. Realize this & take back your power. – bellaonline Letting go of toxic people in your life is a big step in loving yourself. Page 5 Being betrayed is a form of dishonesty or disloyalty that may come in many different shapes or forms. Sometimes being betrayed may consist of being cheated on by someone w/whom you are in a serious committed relationship with. While other times being betrayed might mean that a person chooses to be loyal to someone else over you when, in fact, they had a covenant or promise to be loyal to you before anyone else. Being betrayed can cause one of the worst emotional meltdowns that a person can ever experience, because when you put your heart & your all into someone or something & they show a lack & utter disrespect for the hard work & love you put in, it feels as though you have been robbed & left w/nothing. When a person has been betrayed, it is important for them to forgive, & to move on. Holding on to grudges & anger will do nothing but stop you from living the rest of your life as you should, in peace. Page 6 Turn your face to the sun, & the shadows fall behind you. – Charlotte Whitton We honor God when we make reconciliation w/others a priority. After we have been reconciled, we can then fully enjoy communion w/our heavenly Father. – Dave Branon It’s not easy, Lord, to swallow our pride & ask others to forgive us. But You want us to seek reconciliation before worship can take place. Help us to seek forgiveness when necessary. Page 7 Confession of sin is the soil in which forgiveness flourishes. God’s mighty arm is outstretched for us as well. No matter the outcome of our situation, He can be trusted to bring about His will for each of His children. We can depend on God’s strong arm. – Anne Cetas I have sincerely apologized to J, N, & tried reconciliation w/G & P to NO AVAIL. What do I do then? Is my worship acceptable? – Me Page 8 “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother” (Prov. 10:1). “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13). “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6:1). Page 9 “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God” (Lev. 19:3). “A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish man despises his mother” (Prov. 15:20). “If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness” (Prov. 20:20). “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Prov. 29:15). Page 10 Unforgiveness Father, I come before You today broken, asking for the very thing I was not strong enough to give – grace. I know unforgiveness is a serious offense in Your eyes, and I accept full responsibility for my bitter spirit. Please forgive me and help me to lay down this offense so that I will not have to lose another night’s sleep over it. Send Your Holy Spirit to teach me how to forever cast aside my anger and resentment so that I can be healed. Please restore what has been lost through my stubborn anger. Lord, I pray for the persons who committed the offenses against me and ask You to help me understand what motivated them to do so. Show me this person’s heart, Father – the pain, confusion, and bondage that lies deep within – so that I may feel mercy for him or her. Help me to have compassion on each individual’s situation, and show me how to demonstrate Your love and grace to them. Father, I am grateful for Your promise to lift me up, even when I stumble and fall. Thank You for showing me how to be free of unforgiveness and how to live a life worthy of Your name. Truly, there is none more merciful, compassionate, loving, and kind as You. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen. – In Touch Page 11 Anger Father, how grateful I am that You are patient, loving, kind, and forgiving toward me. You have many more reasons to be angry than I ever do; yet, You always treat me with compassion. Please help me to be more like You in word, thought, and deed. I confess my anger to You and ask You to cleanse my heart of any resentment and bitterness I feel. Please show me where this pain originates and remove it from my soul so that I will not sin against You. When I am angry, reveal constructive and loving ways to deal with my emotions, giving me the patience and wisdom to deal with what is really going on within me, rather than simply lashing out. Please teach me to be a person of peace and grace, Father. Help me to understand why certain traps entangle me and how I can be free of them. Show me how I can be Your representative, helping others to be liberated from their anger and leading them to faith in You. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. – In Touch Page 12 Rejection Father, how grateful I am for Your Holy Spirit and precious Word which You use to set me free from my pain and suffering. Thank You for always loving me and never giving up on me. It is a great comfort to know You will never leave or forsake me. You know the wounds of rejection that have marred my heart. You know how useless, helpless, & worthless I feel when yet another person casts me away. So many of these feelings originated long ago & have deep roots. But I am grateful for how You have set me free from these feelings; how You give me a sense of belonging in Your eternal, heavenly family as Your own beloved child; how You bless me w/a sense of worthiness through Your death on the cross & resurrection; & how You fill me w/ the sense of competence & adequacy, empowering me to accomplish all You call me to through Your indwelling Holy Spirit. Father, I know I must make a decision – either I will believe what others have spoken about me, or I will trust what You say about my character & future. I know what You say counts in eternity, Lord, so I choose to listen to You. Thank You for Your unfailing love & for creating me w/a good plan & purpose. Help me to keep my eyes on You. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. – In Touch Page 13 “Turning the other cheek” doesn’t mean being a doormat. Other people’s behavior is not our responsibility. Sometimes, loving mean taking our hands off the situation, letting go, & trusting God w/the outcome. Saying no & having boundaries that honor what’s right & holy allow a relationship to heal. We have to begin to shift our perspective to trust God w/the people we love, rather than continuing these same patterns of trying to fix, manage, or rescue them. You are to love God first & others second. Not the other way around. Often, the other person has taken precedence over your relationship w/God. And you almost act as if you’re their Savior, not Jesus. The truth is that He loves & cares for them far more than you do. He wants you to realize your powerlessness to fix or control them, & is calling you to appropriate responsibility: to first let Him work in you. – Dr. Clinton Page 14 There are too many Christians who nurse their bitterness as if it were a baby. But as we have been forgiven, so we must forgive others. It is a command, not a choice. “But it is quite another thing to adopt a lifestyle of forgiveness. It takes effort, determination, & sacrifice. To live a lifestyle of forgiveness means choosing to pursue a life of holiness & avoiding the things that could defile you. You have to repent.” – Dr. Clinton “Daily you have to pray, daily. You have to read the Bible, daily. And you have to forgive others far more frequently than that.” “Forgiveness is a process, & it is one that can take years. You might forgive someone once or twice – choosing not to give in to bitterness & instead to offer grace & kindness. But the wounds we carry within us take far more than bandages & kisses to heal. It often takes years to overcome emotional pain. And when you are dealing w/people who deliberately act to harm you, the whole thing just becomes even more complicated & painful.” – Medad Page 15 “Forgiveness is like breathing in & breathing out. We must inhale & exhale, asking forgiveness of our own sins & offering it w/out charge to those who have hurt us. Without it, we suffocate. Without forgiveness, we die.” – Medad What we know for certain is that the Lord is good, & that in the end His goodness will win the day (Rom. 8:28, Phil. 2:13). We may not see or always feel Him, but He’s there, abiding within us & working among us. – In Touch Looking back on my notes, I remember this as a time when I could not bring myself to pray for my enemies; and if I did pray for them, it was as the prayers of King David asking God to bring ‘swift justice’ upon them! Now I realize this scripture to be true for me in my life (Psalm 119:71 “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.”) Like I said at the beginning, this process has been more than a journey, it has been a life-altering experience in growing in Grace through immense internal suffering. My next article will contain my notes from pages 16-30 and so on until I finish sharing the contents of my notebook. My prayer is that this may help someone in a time of emotional need like it did me. In Jesus Christ’s Name, Amen. Finally, an excerpt that spoke to me from the ‘Prince of Preachers’ notes that I read last night during our Bible Study that I would like to share as well. KJV Charles Spurgeon Study Bible Notes 1 Samuel 30:6 “And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” Study Notes Excerpt: If there is anything in this world for which I would bless him more than for anything else, it is for pain and affliction. I am sure that in these things the richest, most tender love has been manifested toward me. Love letters from heaven are often sent in black-edged envelopes. The cloud that is black with horror is big with mercy. – Charles Spurgeon Until next time… Maranatha! JESUS = THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE! Jesus Will Come!