8-11-17 Reprieve

This morning I cursed at God. I was angry with him. I still don't understand why but he did answer me through other people. Shirley called me at work someone had called her upset about my posts and Shirley wanted to know if I was OK. I haven't been OK today. Tonight after work I was going to drive to the I 40 rest area in Marion and fatally OD on a combination of  prescription drugs. I was going to simply go to sleep and that would have been it. I don't have a reason. No one would have been to blame. No one could have done anything to prevent it from happening. I can't fix what's wrong with me. I've been trying. I've been researching to try and understand why I think the way the way I do. I can't predict when or why I act out nor can I control it. I promised Shirley that I would come home tonight and I will. That's all I can promise. No promises for the future.

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