Thursday, July 27, 2017
I honestly don't know what to say today. I just feel numb. I would just encourage everyone to enjoy the simple things in life that we experience daily. The warmth of the sun, a cool breeze, the smell of a fresh rainfall, the sound of birds singing. I'm thankful for my family who love me no matter what I say or what I do. For my dogs who love me for no reason at all. For the roof I have over my head at night and for the food I have plenty of. I'm thankful that I have good health insurance that I can afford and for the good doctors that I have been fortunate enough to have. I'm so thankful that God has given me so many second chances to respond to him and follow his will even though I've been a disobedient child most of my life. I'm thankful that money or possessions are not the most important thing in my life. I haven't been a big family person most of my life but I'm trying to learn how to accept love from other people and my family and not feel guilty or ashamed of my self. I'm trying to share my love the best way that I know how but I fall short sometimes. Life really is all about love and sharing that love. That's all we can really leave to others that really matters. Everything else is meaningless. I want people to remember me as someone who loved and cared for others. That's really all any of us can ask or hope for.
Last night was a restless night but sleep finally came. It's funny what the mind thinks of when looking at death. I had taken Gismo to the vet earlier in the week and the labs were bad. He had almost zero white or red blood cells left. He was dying and we both knew it. I didn't have the heart to tell Shirley other than he was really sick.Friday came and I had to go to the Raleigh TSA office for some stupid meeting. I don't even remember why now that's how important it was. We went to lunch and all I could think about while sitting there trying to choke down some food was Gismo sitting at home not being able to eat. I prayed that he wouldn't die before I got back to Greensboro. Sunday afternoon he passed away in the arms of two people who loved him dearly. I have a doctor appointment shortly and while I usually look forward to going not today. It's going to be a painful hour as I say goodbye to another friend.I once had an older gentleman tell me that the worst thing about growing old was watching all of your friends die and leave you.I think he may have something there.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
It's with a heavy heart that I end this day. My friend is dying and there's nothing I can do but accept it. We spent a lot of time talking about everything. About 3 months ago in a conversation I said Marshall I don't think neither one of us will live to see next year he kinda looked at me and said you might be right. I don't know why I said that it was just a feeling I had. I will miss our conversations. He understood my black humor and would laugh at it. He really didn't need to be working and I told him many times to take his money and run and enjoy life while he could. I talked him into buying a bug out location in the mountains and he did take the family there on weekends and enjoyed it. I feel for his wife who is in poor health herself he was her solid rock just as I am to Shirley. He loved his son and grandson as he spoke of both frequently. He would go see his ailing elderly mother weekly at the rest home and loved and expressed concern for her.He was a good and decent man. We both expressed doubts about God but I believe if there is a heaven he deserves to be allowed to enter. Good-Bye my friend I hope someday we meet up again.